The Royal Babysitters Page 2

  Holly, meanwhile, was desperately trying to control the hungry princes who had escaped from their cage cot.

  ‘I told you we wouldn’t have enough arms!’ she grouched.

  ‘Here’s the cow!’ said Anna, and caught one and two and three princes. Holly grabbed numbers four, five and six, and together the sisters plugged the babies in to the pink udders of the giant blue cow.

  Silence! At LAST!

  ‘And no thanks to you,’ said Anna, pointing at Prince Pepino. ‘Couldn’t you have helped?’

  ‘Sorry, I can’t help not helping,’ explained Pepino. ‘I wouldn’t do it for all the money in the world! Ice-cream time!’

  ‘Wait a second. Look. Maybe you could help if you were going to buy this with all the money in the world!’ said Anna, getting the scrunched-up advert out of her pocket.

  Pepino looked at it suspiciously.

  He read it from top to bottom.

  And he couldn’t help looking impressed.

  ‘Baby-elephant polo! The closest I’ve ever got was giant-squid water polo. And a bar on Mars! I’ve only ever been to a rubbish fast-food restaurant on the Moon.’

  He carefully folded the advert and gave it back to Anna, looking forlorn.

  ‘You’re lucky to be going there. I’m just staying here all summer doing nothing.’

  ‘Why don’t you come with us?’ said Anna.

  ‘I can’t. My parents are making me work this summer.’

  ‘Work on what?’

  ‘Making friends. It’s my worst subject at school: I got zero out of a hundred last term.’

  ‘What did you do wrong?’

  Pepino shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I did everything my tutor told me. I built traps in the ground to catch them, and then fed them peanut-butter cupcakes to make them stay. But they all escaped eventually.’

  ‘Well,’ said Holly, ‘I’ve got a great idea. Why don’t you help us today, and then tell your parents you’ve made friends with us? Then you can come on holiday!’

  ‘They won’t believe me!’ moaned the prince. ‘They’ll ask me for your names, and I don’t even know your names!’

  ‘Holly and Anna,’ said the sisters.

  ‘I’ll never remember that,’ said the prince sadly. ‘I’ve never had to remember a friend’s name before. And your names are really, really weird. What was it again? Brolly and Nana?’

  ‘Yes,’ Anna sighed. ‘That’s exactly right. Tell your parents that and we’ll agree. Okeydoke?’

  He thought about it.

  And by the time …

  He’d stopped thinking about it …

  And said …

  ‘OKEYDOKE!’

  … the princes had stopped eating.

  And were …

  ‘What time is it now?’ asked Anna.

  ‘Ice-cream time!’ replied Pepino, looking at his wrist.

  ‘Ten thirty,’ said Holly. ‘Time for their walk!’

  ‘Let’s get their leashes and their outdoor crowns from the armoury!’ roared Anna over the noise of the Berties.

  They ran to the next room, unhooked the leashes from the wall and grabbed the six little gold crowns.

  ‘Well, well, my dear friends – let me help you babysit!’ said Prince Pepino, strutting about and being no help whatsoever.

  ‘Then get a move on,’ shouted Anna. ‘Two each!’

  At last the princes were ready to go on their daily walk.

  Chapter Six

  ‘Where should we take them?’ asked Holly, once they got outside. ‘What are toddlers interested in, do you think? The museum? The aquarium?’

  ‘Who cares what they’re interested in?’ Anna laughed. ‘All we have to do is make sure they survive the day. And then it’s hello Martian cocktails and lava snorkelling. Let’s walk them until they get exhausted and fall asleep for as long as possible.’

  ‘That’s not very professional,’ muttered Holly, ‘but all right.’

  ‘We can go absolutely anywhere,’ said Prince Pepino, ‘as long as it’s the beach, because there’s an ice-cream van there.’

  ‘Do you ever think of anything other than ice cream?’ asked Anna.

  ‘No,’ said Pepino. ‘Do you?’

  ‘Yes!’

  ‘I suppose one sometimes thinks of waffles as well,’ replied Pepino dreamily.

  ‘Or of Holy Moly Holidays,’ added Anna. ‘That’s why we’re doing this, remember?’

  ‘That holiday had better be seriously amazing,’ Holly grumbled.

  You’d think having to prince-walk two princes each isn’t that difficult.

  A bit difficult, but not that difficult.

  Think again. It’s that difficult:

  And while all this is happening, you’re not paying attention to … this!

  ‘Bertie! Come back!’ yelled Anna.

  ‘Oh, don’t bother,’ said Pepino. ‘We can lose that one, we’ve got another five.’

  But there was no way Anna was going to risk losing the Holy Moly Holiday. ‘Quick! Take the other one, Pepino,’ she said, handing over her last Bertie. ‘I’ll run after him.’

  ‘Don’t fall off a cliff!’ Holly shouted. ‘I’m in charge of you, remember?’

  Toddlers toddle fast when they decide to, and it’s not the kind of thing you want them to do on top of a cliff, especially when they

  ‘Phew,’ said Anna, who had caught him at the last minute. ‘Don’t do that again, Bertie!’

  Bertie smiled at her, nodded, and bit her arm. Anna danced around in pain.

  When she opened her tearful eyes and looked across the frothy, wrinkled sea to the horizon, she saw …

  A ship.

  Normal.

  Two ships.

  Normal.

  Three ships.

  Still normal, but … four … five, six … twelve … twenty … then she couldn’t count them any more.

  And a zeppelin for good measure. The darkest, deadliest zeppelin Anna had ever seen.

  But the most ominous thing about the zeppelin wasn’t so much its colour as the trail it was dragging behind it, which said:

  ‘Uh-oh,’ said Anna to Bertie. ‘Maybe it wasn’t the best day for the King and Queen to go on holiday.’

  Chapter Seven

  When Anna caught up with Holly, Pepino and the other Berties, they were already on the beach and having a lot of fun.

  That is, the Berties were having a lot of fun. Holly was not having fun.

  ‘Holly? Can I talk to you?’ whispered Anna.

  ‘Just a sec!’ she said, jumping up into the air. ‘I’ve got a flying Bertie to catch.’

  ‘Well, it’s pretty urgent.’

  ‘What’s the matter?’

  ‘DANGER!’

  She managed to grab hold of Bertie’s princely nappy and pulled him back to Earth.

  ‘Much worse than that. It’s King Alaspooryorick of Daneland,’ said Anna.

  ‘What about him?’ asked Pepino, swapping the chocolate ice cream he was holding for the strawberry ice cream tucked behind his left ear.

  ‘Oh, well, I was just wondering – what’s he like?’ asked Anna.

  Pepino took a huge mouthful of ice cream. ‘He’sh a crayshy bloodshirshty invader. Why?’

  ‘A c-c-crazy b-b-bloodthirsty invader?’ Anna stuttered.

  ‘Yeah, he loves invading. It’s his favourite thing. He invades countries and turns everyone into slaves or meatballs.’

  ‘And has he, erm – has he ever tried to invade Britland?’ asked Anna, trying to sound casual.

  ‘Oh yes,’ said Pepino. ‘The parents get so annoyed! Thankfully, the Empress of Americanada was over for dinner the last two times, and she never comes h
ere without her two-billion-dollar army, so she shooed him away. But dinner was burnt.’

  ‘OK, well – what if,’ coughed Anna, ‘what if he tried again, and the Empress of Americanada wasn’t around?’

  ‘Oh, we wouldn’t last an hour,’ said Pepino, going for his pistachio ice cream.

  ‘Great,’ said Anna.

  ‘But don’t worry,’ said Pepino. ‘He wouldn’t invade today, when Mum and Dad aren’t here to fight back. It would be very rude of him.’

  ‘Oh, really? Then how do you explain THAT?’

  Pepino looked at where Anna’s finger was pointing …

  In the distance, the zeppelin and the battleships were growing bigger and BIGGER and BIGGER.

  ‘Well,’ said Pepino. ‘That is very rude of him.’

  And it wasn’t their only worry.

  ‘Hey! Those Berties are escaping!’ yelled Holly.

  ‘Probably better for them,’ shrugged Pepino. ‘Maybe they’ll cross the Francian Channel and find a nice family to adopt them.’

  ‘No, no, no!’ shouted Anna. ‘We need to get them back! We won’t get the Holy Moly Holiday if we don’t look after them!’

  Holly caught her by the hair. ‘You’re not going into that sea! You can barely swim. Mum wouldn’t forgive me. Plus, we’re being invaded. Holy Moly Holidays aren’t important right now! Let’s get to the castle.’

  They sprinted around, picking up the remaining four toddlers. Then suddenly, the ground began to shake.

  Boom. Boom. Boom.

  Meanwhile the sea was slowly but surely swelling.

  Something was walking out of the waves.

  Something …

  ... giant!

  Chapter Eight

  Holly, Anna, Pepino and the four remaining Berties began to run.

  They ran all the way along the beach.

  They ran all the way up the cliffs.

  They ran all the way to the castle.

  And then there was nowhere else to run to.

  ‘Where’s the royal army?’ asked Holly. ‘Shouldn’t they be doing something about this?’

  ‘Quick, Pepino!’ Anna gasped for breath. ‘You have to call the army so they can fight King Alaspooryorick!’

  ‘I don’t have their phone number!’ Pepino replied. Then he remembered something else. ‘Oh, silly me, we don’t even have an army any more. Mum and Dad had to get rid of them after they spent all the army money on the ball pool.’

  He pulled a tablecloth-sized handkerchief from his pocket and promptly burst into tears.

  ‘This is so sad! Being turned into meatballs just when I was finally making friends.’

  ‘Oh, Pepino, I’m sorry,’ said Holly, gently patting the prince’s head. ‘But think of all the people who are turned into meatballs having never made friends.’

  ‘No one’s getting turned into meatballs,’ Anna scoffed. ‘Come on, friends! Keep calm and carry on.’

  And she put on her best calm face to greet the zeppelin and the Giant Sea Monster, which had made it to the top of the cliff and was stomping towards the castle making deafening metallic noises.

  ‘If I may say so,’ chirruped Holly, ‘those cogs clearly need oiling.’

  The metal mouth of the Giant Sea Monster dropped open. A figure appeared and a voice filled the sky.

  ‘Helloooooo, Britland! This is King Alaspooryorick of Daneland!’

  ‘We know,’ said Anna. ‘You haven’t exactly kept it a secret.’

  ‘I’m here to fill you all with fear and trembling!’

  ‘We’ll see about that!’ smirked Anna.

  ‘What?’ said the King. ‘You’ll have to speak up, I’m afraid. The line isn’t good. Can you hear me?’

  ‘We can hear you fine!’ shouted Anna. ‘You’d hear us better if you got out of your tin box and faced us like a proper King!’

  ‘OK,’ said King Alaspooryorick. ‘Just a sec – I need to unfasten . . . my . . . safety . . . harness . . .’

  They heard creaking and screeching and a strange sucking noise, and finally King Alaspooryorick stepped out on to the clifftop.

  ‘Hello, Prince Pepino. Hello, whoever-you-are,’ he said, looking at Holly and Anna. ‘And the little Berties, of course. Everyone all right? Good, good. Let’s get started.’

  He pulled a folder out of his briefcase, picked a sheet from it, and cleared his throat. ‘Just a few details on this operation, Prince P. If you could read the document and sign your name at the bottom to confirm that you’ve understood the risks, etc.’

  ‘I’m not signing that if I don’t want to,’ Pepino grumbled. ‘Besides, I’m not eighteen yet, so it’s not legal.’

  King Alaspooryorick pointed to the small print.

  ‘Oh, well, if you insist,’ said Pepino. And he pulled a big purple crayon out of his pocket.

  ‘Wait!’ shouted Anna. ‘Pepino, you can’t do this!’

  ‘Can’t I?’

  ‘Well,’ said Holly, ‘you can, but then it’s all meatballs and slavery for us. Don’t you want to, I don’t know, fight back?’

  ‘With what?’ Pepino sounded confused. ‘With my snotty handkerchief?’

  King Alaspooryorick doubled up with laughter, bending so low he brushed the grass with his nose. ‘Hahaha! That’s hilarious. I’ll be sorry to turn you into meatballs, kid! A … snotty … haha …handkerchief!’

  Holly elbowed the prince. ‘Well, why not, Pepino? Do it!’

  ‘Me? With … ?’

  ‘YES!’

  The next thing he knew, King Alaspooryorick had been rolled into the snotty handkerchief like a sausage.

  Chapter Nine

  The response from the invading army was immediate.

  ‘Flowers!’ smiled Pepino. ‘I like flowers.’

  ‘Those aren’t flowers,’ said Holly. ‘They look like high-precision HUMMINGBIRD CANNONS.’

  Prince Pepino jumped. ‘I don’t want to see this!’ And he pulled his crown all the way down his forehead and in front of his eyes.

  ‘Soldiers of Daneland!’ shouted Anna. ‘We have rolled up your king in a snotty handkerchief! If you shoot us, you’ll shoot him!’

  But it was too late. The ten giant flowers contracted …

  and sneezed!

  ‘Into the castle!’ yelled Anna. ‘Holly, get the Berties!’

  ‘Who cares about the –’

  ‘GET THEM!’

  Holly grabbed hold of the runaway toddlers and whooshed up the slope, chased by the whizzing hummingbirds. ‘Last one in shuts the door!’

  Anna kicked rolled-up King Alaspooryorick all the way to the castle, and was about to slam the heavy door shut, when …

  ‘Yoo-hoo? Hellooo?’ sang Pepino.

  Anna grabbed the wayward prince by his cloak, dragged him inside –

  and slammed the door just in time.

  The two sisters high-fived.

  Inside the hall, Pepino, still blinded by his crown, was feeling King Alaspooryorick’s face with his hands.

  ‘Who’s this, now? Big huge nose, scratchy moustache, not much hair … oh, a crown! You must be a king of some sort!’

  ‘Well guessed!’ said Alaspooryorick. ‘Now try to think – who was the last king you saw?’

  Pepino thought about it for a while. ‘I know! I know! King Alaspooryorick!’ he said, squeezing his head out of his crown with a POP.

  ‘Well done!’ said Alaspooryorick.

  ‘That was fun, wasn’t it, Lolly?’ asked Pepino.

  ‘Most fun,’ Holly replied, and shook his hand.

  ‘Let’s get going,’ said Anna. ‘We still have to fight the invasion and protect the four remaining Berties.’

  ‘Invasion’s off,’ said
Prince Pepino. ‘We’ve captured their king and played Blind Man’s Bluff with him. Whenever this happens, it’s game over.’

  ‘I’m not sure that’s what they think,’ said Holly. ‘I think they want their king baaaaaaaack –’

  Pepino and Anna whirled around, but Holly had gone.

  They looked up …

  ‘That’s really unfair,’ grouched Pepino as Holly was swung back and forth by an enormous tentacle. ‘Mum and Dad will never believe that window was broken by a giant squid. I’m going to be in trouble.’

  ‘Never mind that, help meeee!’ shrieked Holly.

  Anna wrenched a spear from a nearby suit of armour and began to poke the giant squid, but the monster snatched it from her grasp and hurled it back at them. The spear narrowly missed Alaspooryorick and skewered a family portrait.

  ‘Oh no! Mummy’s favourite painting!’ lamented Pepino.

  ‘It’s starting to get a bit uncomfortable up here,’ said Holly politely. ‘There’s not much air left in my lungs.’

  ‘Soon there won’t be any left at all!’ King Alaspooryorick chimed in.

  ‘Pepino,’ said Anna, ‘do you have any idea how to get rid of a giant squid?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Pepino. ‘I learnt it in Defend the Country Against Invaders class. You wobble its horns!’

  ‘It doesn’t have any horns.’

  ‘Oh, sorry, that was how to get rid of giant dragons. Wait – now I remember! You ruffle its feathers.’

  ‘It doesn’t have any feathers.’

  ‘Ah … then that must have been how to get rid of giant griffins. Oh, wait!’ He burst out laughing. ‘I remember! It’s really funny.’ He waved at Holly. ‘Hey, Polly! Tickle the squid! Tickle it!’